How much mosh do I get per GBP?

We currently offer the competitive rate of 7 moshes to the pound, which is a far better rate than those new jacks in BWP.

Can I get a free shirt brah?!

Does the pope feel sorry for all the child abuse?

Yo dude! What's up!? We haven't spoken in ages but can you save me a shirt as I don't have the money right now!

Yeah sure man, i'll save it for you so you can just not want it in three weeks time, but only after I chase you up and you ignore all my emails, fuccckkk.

Hi guyz, I dnt hav paypal bt can i send u a check?

Sure, make it out to "2003" and post it to;

'Are You Fucking High?'

PO Box 666

Turkmenistan.

Hi guys, can you sign my tshirt?

We are happy to do this for our adoring fans but due to the sheer volume of requests for this we do require that you send it to our street team address (this can be found on Sony BMG's website) with an attached photo of you wearing the garment for a level 6 assessment. Please allow up to 8 months for all submissions.

Hey guys, do you want to do a tshirt trade?

Unfortunately your band doesn't have a strong enough breakdown to song ratio for us to even consider this ludicrous offer, nice try though.

What are your tshirts printed on?

This is a common question, we primarily print on cotton however recently we have been looking into printing on to blood of Ox as well as good ol' fashioned denim.

I ordered my shirt two days ago and it's STILL not here!?

Ok, this is what we class as a level 9 emergency. How you've even managed to get to this page without exploding with impatience we're not quite sure, but good on you! 
The procedure for this line of enquiry is as follows. Find the nearest telephone and dial 1800-WHERE-IS-MY-MERCH, this is a direct line to the merch king himself who will drop literally anything that he is doing and personally hand deliver your merch to you within just thirty minutes, or else you will get an instant refund! Forget where it says your merch may take up to two weeks to be delivered very very very clearly when you ordered, you ARE more important than that. You DO deserve to have your merch delivered to you in a completely unreasonably time frame! And kids in Africa think they have a problems!!!

Please note this offer only applies to the UK and the EU and parts of Japan. 
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All questions should be submitted for review to yodudesavemeashirt@sykesthemerchking.com